Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Deployment? What's that?

I am fascinated by the way my brain protects me.  In true survival fashion, it completely forgets deployments about four months after Hubby returns.  Really.  Like childbirth ... you don't remember the pain so you can convince yourself to go through it again ... I think that happens with deployment for me, too ... although my memory of childbirth was pretty clear when I got ready to deliver my second child and I was equally terrified ... but I digress. 

Hubby got home from his last deployment in June.  We're 9+ months into 'Dwell Time' and I can hardly remember the gut-wrenching pain of him being gone, and gone to combat zone to boot.  We're in our 'new' normal right now ... calling from work, planning lunch dates, attending kids events ... he's even coaching two sports teams for our kids right now.  My brain has completely erased the concept of deployment; or so I thought.

Hubby was asked to speak about life in Iraq to a local DAR group next week.  In preparation, he began doing what Soldiers do best, putting a PowerPoint presentation together.  =)  He was adding photos from his last deployment and asked my opinion about the presentation so far.

Remember, 9+ months at home, another deployment not even on the calendar (yet), life is normal, life is good ... and seeing those pictures sent me into a complete tailspin!  It was crazy how I felt just looking at those photos.  The old feelings crept back and I could remember exactly how I felt each time I received those photos the first time; from him in an email from Iraq.  Excitement to see HIS name on the email address, joy at noting the little paper-clip icon indicating an attachment, relief that this photo means at that point in time he was alive and well and taking pictures ... anticipation for the next time we'd talk and I could tell him how much I appreciated seeing him, if only in a photograph.

Crazy and weird to feel all of that with him sitting right there beside me.  It was almost as if my brain couldn't wrap itself around the situation ... all this stress and nervous energy ... but he's right here!  Something does not compute ...

Anyway, odd and random post, but what was going through my head this morning.  Oh, and the photo is a random one of the last deployment, too, as we went through hundreds last night!

11 comments:

  1. I am the same way!! I have no idea how I survived the last deployment because I truly felt like I was going to "lose it" every single day. And now those memories are filed away some where... until I look at pics from when he was gone or from the day he returned, and it all comes rushing back!

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  2. Aw this is such a awesome post I agree with you I if Brandon has to deploy I hope he's able to send pictures that way you can at least see him even if it's only in a photograph.

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  3. I haven't gone through a deployment yet as a wife, though I was friends with my hubby during his last two deployments. As I've told my friends, I've chosen to pretend like deployment isn't going to happen, and I refuse to face it until I have to. That's the only way I know to deal with the stress! What's scary is that I KNOW this deployment, now that we're married, will be way worse than it ever was before.

    (He's scheduled to deploy again at the end of this summer, though he's TRYING to get into Warrant Officer school, and if he does he won't be deployed - just gone on long training.)

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  4. It is crazy how that pain fades. I was thinking of this the other day, until I thought about the actualy "sending him off" I almost had a panic attack. That part is hell and it feels like a year stretched in front of you is awful.
    I hope we don't do it again, it's not on the horizon for us either, but I do remember the saying good-bye, and I hate it.

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  5. This is our first deployment so I wouldn't really know if we'll be the same or not but I sure hope we are! I hope when he gets home we can get back into the routine of things easily!

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  6. I am with you. I always say I have PTSD from all the deployments. All I have to do is hear a military song or talk to a friend whose husband is getting ready to deploy. Heck, I even start to get an irrational fear if he is just going on a trip. Darn deployments...but I wouldn't be nearly as strong as I am.

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  7. Love this post! I love when my iPhone chimes that I have a new email...I don't care if I'm conversing with the ghost of Elvis, I'm gonna check it!

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  9. Oh yes. Ignorance really is bliss when you're a military wife, eh?

    I wish I could get my husband to send photos... it's like pulling teeth.

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  10. I do this, too. When hubby is home, any mention of him leaving again takes me by surprise.

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  11. I am over it quickly until the next set of orders come in. I wish my children had the same luxory. My hero leaves any minute for his SEVENTH deployment

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